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The first thing a person finds in life, the last thing he has left, and the most precious thing he possesses, even if he does not realize it, is the Family.

For this reason the family is always concerned when it comes to the kind of spouses we settle down with. Some cultures even select what they call “a suitable partner” for you. It is assumed that you marry not only your spouse but entire family, giving them the same respect you give your family. Fair enough.

However I have had a problem with a couple of people, that you don't marry for yourself but for the family. It is true you are from a family and bear their name; people marry from one family into another but the marriage is not for the family.

Scripture says "For this reason a man will leave his father and his mother and will live with his wife. The two will become one" - Matthew 19:5 (NLV).

Once married, God instructs you to start a new family with your spouse, and start building your life together. This takes a lot of work. You need to leave the extended family physically and emotionally to start the new one.

You don't build your family based on the ideology and principles of your parents’ family. What was good for your mother won't necessarily be good for your wife. Don't forget your wife is also from another family, with a different background and upbringing.

A lot of marriages fail because the couples think they married for their family instead of themselves. Thus allowing their extended family to control and influence their marriage.

Your marriage must be separated from your extended family; there can’t be divided loyalty. "No one can have two bosses. He will hate the one and love the other. Or he will listen to the one and work against the other" Matthew 6:24a (NLV)

Your primary loyalty should be towards the new family formed with your spouse. Set boundaries on when the extended family are not invited into your lives.

Deal with your marriage issues at home. Keep in mind that your parents only know what you tell them. If you go to them every time you're angry, frustrated and having problems in your marriage, they hear that; but they don't hear when you make up. If you have a problem in the marriage, you need to resolve it in the marriage.

In conclusion "Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect" - Romans 12:2 (NLT).

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Thank you for reading. This has been your Counselor and Motivator.


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