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Thursday, 5 July 2018

WHY YOUR PARTNER DISCCUSS YOU WITH OTHERS by Counselor Adofoli

Some spouses complain bitterly about their partners broadcasting their issues to outsiders; especially complaining about them to strangers without consulting them. The suspicious looks they get from people when they step out, is a turn off for their relationship. Some go to the extent of fighting the outsiders; others just leave the relationship.

This is not happening because of the absence of love; rather the distance between the two hearts has grown wider. One partner is getting hurt because he or she can't express what the other is putting them through. They wished this wasn’t happening but the lack of friendship has created a barrier between two hearts.

They also end up hurting the other spouse with their actions. To them, you are supposed to be my defense, my best friend, my confidant, someone who covers my back, someone who doesn't make me feel vulnerable; you are to protect me from outsiders and not to go telling the outsider what you are not happy with, about me. To me, in your claim to seek help, sympathy, audience and release stress, you have painted me black.

Don't expect your relationship to work if you will go out and talk to everyone else about the problem, but never talk to each other about it.

The solution to this problem is to make your spouse your best friend, look at things from their views, express your hurt to them instead of accusing or putting blames on them. Give them time to get over issues and always forgive them for their actions.

Focus on their strengths; anytime they do things you are happy with, praise them and also use the opportunity to tell them nicely what you didn’t like.

If talking to your partner one-on-one is becoming a problem to you, write them a letter. Start with the things you like about them, tell them what you don't like and also add what you want to see.

Don't be selfish in the relationship; put your partner's happiness first, look for ways and means to make the relationship work rather looking for people to sell your partner to.

Spouses should gate their relationship from intruders and gossips, and also maintain a high level of respect for each other especially when things don't go well in their union.

One of the worst feelings for a spouse is to find out that, he or she has been discussed by the one who claimed to love them with an outsider; it feels like they never meant to them as much as they thought, it makes them feel stupid for being in a relationship with them.

To them 1 Corinthians 13:7 (TLB) says it best that "If you love someone, you will be loyal to him no matter what the cost. You will always believe in him, always expect the best of him, and always stand your ground in defending him"

In conclusion, If you succeed in making your partner your best friend, the next time they are talking to an outsider, it will be the good news about you and not vice versa. For your best friend cannot sell you.

Please share with your friends, someone out there needs this.

Thank you for reading. This has been your Counselor and Motivator.