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Tuesday, 6 November 2018

MARRY HIS HEART AND NOT HIS HEIGHT Written by Counselor Adofoli

This life is not about pleasing everyone, neither is it about hurting anyone, which includes you. But people live their lives the opposite way; they try pleasing everyone and end up hurting themselves. Why will you want to get married to please people when the marriage is not for them but you? Why do you let people judge you based on your preferred choice?

As a Professional Counselor, I don't share issues of my clients or disclose my meetings; what I am about to share is an experience for educational purposes. In one of my numerous speaking engagements across the country, I met a young lady who was about to get married the following week but was confused. She is attracted to tall men and as a lady her belief is a woman needs to get married to someone who is taller than her.

She went into four separate relationships, one after the other, trying to find love in a tall man. Unfortunately, she was not successful. She left the first relationship disappointed with the hope that the next tall man will be the answer to her prayer but this never came to pass.

After the fourth relationship, she was not only disappointed but decided not to go into any relationship. Along the way, she met a male friend who was short. As their friendship grew, she realized all the things she had been looking for in all these four tall men were embedded in this short man.

The guy later proposed to her which she accepted, introduced him to the family, who gave their approval and blessings. Just a week to their marriage, they were introduced at church. After the service people started whispering into her ears, "What kind of choice have you made? The man is short, what kind of children do you want to have?"

Her story reminds me of how a lady turned me down because she claimed I was too tall. Today she wished we were a couple. Something she later revealed to me that it was the worst mistake of her life.

Others are turning down partners because their parents and people around them kick against their tribe, colour, height etc. Forgetting we don't get married to those things and what defines a man is his heart and not their looks. What makes one beautiful is not their look or where they come from. As at today, people had mistaken attraction for love, which is so wrong. Because of that many marriages are fading away.

Don't get married because you are just attracted to the person; marriage goes beyond that. You don't get married to anyone due to people's recommendations; it should be your personal conviction. People might know your spouse-to-be's name but not their story; people might see their smile but not their pain; people might notice their cuts but not their scars. People can read their lips but not their mind. People can see their height but not their heart.

Short men are a creation of God, same as tall men. Short children or tall children are both gifts from God not man. God is the one who determines one's height, colour, etc. Besides all that, what matters is the heart. Go for a good heart.

I am not saying people should not advise you or that you should ignore advice, but know that after the advice you make the decision, because it is your life and not theirs.

In conclusion "Don’t judge by appearances. Judge by what is right" - John 7:24 (CEV).

# "Life is a school, we go through life by learning, it’s not all the subjects that you will get right. Accept the fact that you will sometimes be the bad character in someone else's story. Your role is to teach them lessons they need. You should always grow from what you go through, forgive yourself if you have to, move on if you have to. Don't remain stuck with a wrong identity"

# "When he sees you as a need and cannot get that in any other woman, he is ready to leave his parents, friends for you. Cut off all the other women for you.

If you are in a relationship where you have to beg him to take you to the family, get married to you, then it means you are with the wrong person"

Please share with  friends, someone out there needs this.


Thank you for reading. This has been your Counselor and Motivator.